days of nothingness

The Summer can be dull.

During Winter, I normally have this picture perfect idea of Summer. Splashing in some paradise-like beach, eating ice cream and wearing shorts and colorful shirts, going for bike rides, suddenly becoming a thousand times prettier than I actually am. It's my ice cream commercial idea of a season that almost always ends with staying home, watching series and taking self-portraits, running errands and baking my ass off. 

Yeah, that kind of ruins the expectations. 

Why am I telling you all this, you ask? Because yesterday I found myself having one of those paifully boring Summer days. There was nothing to do. I told myself I wouldn't take new work in August, so I could rest, so I didn't have photos to process; my friends are away, the vast majority of them. Even my significant other is away on vacation, so I had absolutely nothing to do and no one to talk to. What did I do?

I decided to paint my hair with soft pastels. I'm not even kidding. 

The adventure started with an hour and a half of search. I could not, for my own sake, find my box of soft pastels. I searched the entire house for it, and in the meantime I found an old pair of Ray-Ban sunglasses (I loved them!), a box of mini business cards (from moo!), an old pencil case with a bunch of goodies and the best part: my calligraphy kit. 

Over the years, I've been collecting tips and antique pens. I got this kit when I was 18 and I absolutely adore it; I have another small box filled with the ones you see apart. They are so lovely. 

After I found my pastels, I sat on my bed and started to paint the tips of my hair with several colors. I used aqua, soft pink, yellow and light green, all the while making a mess out of my bed, my shirt and my hair.

It didn't turn out quite as fabulous as I'd hoped; my hair is too dark for it to be truly noticeable and I have absolutely no talent for dealing with my own hair. I did have a blast, though. I felt a little bit badass, I have to admit.

See? Not fabulous. But not horrible, either!

The shot below is from a few days ago, an equally boring afternoon; I had fun throwing a cookie into a glass of milk. And then I had a little less fun moping the kitchen floor.

I hope you're all having a wonderful week!

Don't forget that I'm currently scheduling my photo shoots for this Fall/Winter! E-mail me at luminousphotographer@gmail.com for more information!

Não se esqueçam que estou agora a aceitar marcações para o Outono/Inverno! Enviem-me um e-mail para luminousphotographer@gmail.com para mais informações!

Week #12 — Clarissa's Breakdown

Week 12/52

I remember Jamie’s look as he stopped the car and turned it off. He didn’t look straight at me, looking outside his window first, as if he was gathering up the courage to say something. The words died in his mouth, though, when I opened my own door and stepped out.

I walked for a couple of seconds, and then I ran. It was a very large piece of land, so I ran for a minute or two, feeling the two of them not too far behind me. I brought my hand up to my face as I started to feel the moisture, and realized I was actually crying. Finally.

What I remember the most about the time this picture was taken was the mixture of feelings, the sense of grief and relief at the same time. I hadn’t cried yet. Not when Matthew had left, not when I was at the hospital and the doctor had told me the fetus didn’t have a heartbeat. Something inside of me had hardened the night Matthew and I had fought and he had slammed the door on my face, and as I ran down that field, I could feel that same hardness melting away, dissolving into the tears that were streaming down my face. I know I stopped, I let my head fall back and I took a deep breath. That’s when I heard the click. The shot was taken.

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Again, I'm flooding you with bits and parts of the novel I'm writing, parts that are being cut or heavily edited, so there's no harm in showing them off. Please bear in mind that these are first drafts. If you care to read the rest of the scene, you can do it in my writing blog.

I'm taking a huge risk here, because I'm well aware that this is not the commercial 'oh everybody likes it' kind of shot. The thing is, I'm sort of in love with it. Batshit, crazy in love with the damn shot and with the fact that I hadn't been able to make something like... this in a while. And the best part is that I don't need to be in that dark place to do it, now. This was supposed to be a light photoshoot. I laughed like a maniac as I rolled around in the grass, alone, as I twirled with my arms spread wide. It was an unbelievably joyful afternoon. But then for a couple of minutes, I got serious. Not sad, not desperate, just serious. And this came out.