This week was anything but easy. Two robberies in the family, two hard dates to deal with and a whole lot of darkness left me completely devoid of inspiration for this week's shot. So I did what I usually do when I'm uninspired: I got my things and went up to the rooftop, armed with a dress, a set of jars and candles and my camera. I sat there for an hour and thought. I let everything run through my mind: how hopeless I am about the years to come, how I can't deal with the things I should be able to deal with, at this age. How much I miss him and how every day I want to talk to him. How my life changed this week and how I have to adjust. How I wish I had taken another 365, to keep my mind busy. How volunteering wasn't what I thought it would be. And then, at some point, things started to look better.
I started to think about the set of studio lights that I have on their way, about the summer days that are yet to come, about the road trips I'm starting to schedule. I started to remember good things; late-afternoons in the park, golden hours at that same rooftop. Afternoons of fun with friends, of pure joy and laughter, that I hope to find again sometime in the future.
The light came to me again, and I found myself smiling and getting ready for this shot. Because, if you look carefully, it's all about light. It's all about the candles you light and how you nurture them and keep them alive. It's all about keeping your happiness close to you. And even when that source of happiness can't be close to you, even when you're not strong enough yet to look at that flame, you know that it's still there, and that if you're meant to be connected to that source, sometime, you will be. You just have to take one day at a time and deal with things as they come.
One day at a time, right? And a smile on your face. :)