Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Week 29 — My Own Worst Enemy

Week 29/52

This did not come out the way I wanted it to. I need a bigger studio, I need better lights, I need an assistant. But still, I don't hate this. I actually like it a bit, because it's dark and it's twisty and it's more 'me' than most of the things I've done in a while.

The theme, the title of the shot is very important. First, because it's the name of a wonderful song by one of my idols — Idina Menzel; second, because it basically describes who I am.

I'm incredibly demanding. Towards others, yes, but mostly to myself. There are times when I realize I'm just saying this mantra over and over in my head 'you can't do that, you can't do that', and a time comes when you actually believe you can't. I'm the one building the walls, I'm the one finding problems in small things.

I've been getting better, though. Much better, I think, and I have to send thanks in no small terms to a couple of people — my singing teacher and my meditation teacher, especially. By listening to what they have told me through the years (or months, in the MT example) we've been working together, they've pushed me to be stronger, to be better, to leave my head out of what I can or cannot do, and that's something incredibly special. And this is a bit of a proof of that; that I have distance enough to see how harmful I was, to myself.

(And really, acrylic paint is the way to go if you want to paint your face. Comes out like magic! BUT — and this is a big 'but' — your skin doesn't breathe through it, since it's basically plastic, so don't cover yourself all over and die, k?)

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