Friday, April 22, 2011

Week 16 — The Sacrifice and the Sin

Week 16/52

Today is Good Friday, which for us Catholics — and Christians in general, I believe — celebrates the death of Christ in the cross, to save us all from sin. It's also the 'ohmygodtwomoredaysuntilIgetchocolate' day. But I digress.

I've been thinking about this photo for a while, been working on the concept and the execution, getting my studio lights to work again, and right now I'm not incredibly happy with the result, but I'm not pissed about it either. I like it. I don't love it, but I might be suffering from sleep deprivation — my insomnia is back in full-force — and from that Virgina Woolf syndrome that said that the book in our head is always better than the book in our hands. Well, in this case, photograph.

But still, I wanted to make an allusion to sacrifice.

Every year, I give up the foods that I like the most during Lent. It's forty-seven days (no, not forty like they want us to believe, because apparently Sundays don't count as Lent, but I counted them anyway) of living without chocolate, McDonald's and Francesinhas. Last year it wasn't so hard; I had a ton of emotional problems to work through, so I kind of forgot about the food, but this year? This year was hell. I've been dreaming about eating chocolate for the past three weeks, and having my family own a bakery above which I live doesn't help. But still, I'm here and I'm alive and I didn't break my lent, which makes me feel good.

I don't do Lent for the purpose most Christians do, which s the purification of the soul and the riddance of sins. I don't believe in sin as the church puts it; I believe the sin is the act you commit while knowing you're causing harm to someone, and you're doing it on purpose, so while I do have some of those, I don't think every side step I take is a sin. So I never feel the need to cleanse myself of those, since I can pretty much do it on my own through prayer or meditation — or better, by apologizing. But at the same time, doing Lent gives me this spiritual rush, as if I was proving to myself how strong I can be when I put my mind into it. I'm flaky most of the time, and I don't have any self-control or discipline when it comes to the trivial things in life, like food or exercise or other small habits. But this was proof that I could do it. And I'm very, very glad I did it.

If I don't talk to you guys before sunday, I hope you have a blessed Easter. I'll be sitting on the corner courting a three-layer-chocolate cake.

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